Grief and Joy

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I mentioned this last week, and still don’t think I’m fully ready for this, but here goes.

My father-in-law passed away on January 29. It was, for us, a long process, but in reality, a pretty quick progression. He was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in the esophagus and stomach, and passed away (according to my records) 365 days later.

At the memorial, he wanted an open mic. The morning of the service my wife asked me if I was going to share. Honestly, I had not considered sharing before that point. I thought about it, but really did not know what to say if I were to share.

The people who did share did an incredible job highlighting who he was as a man, father, brother, uncle, and friend. I could not have added anything to the service to make it better.

But after the open mic, it hit me. And since I blog and have a captive audience (you), I hope you will indulge me this morning.

With the passing of my father-in-law, I lost an advocate. Every birthday card he gave me was addressed to “No. 4 Son”, and he meant it. I was not a son-in-law. He saw me as part of the family.

As my wife and I were approaching our first anniversary of marriage, she was talking to him one day and made a statement to the effect of “You know, when Wes and I fight, I usually win most of the time” (time warped interpretation, but that was the gist of it). Andy replied as only a father can, “You know sweetie, sometimes it’s just easier for the husband to let the wife think she’s right.”

We celebrate our 15th anniversary this summer and there were many other times in our marriage where he stepped in for me, and I am forever grateful.

My thought is not necessarily about what I lost, although I may be losing quite a few more arguments from here on out. My thoughts today are about the kind of man who treated an outsider like family. Who trusted someone he did not raise to love and care deeply for his only daughter.

For me, as I reflect (because that’s what I do), I cannot help but ask myself 2 questions: 1) Am I willing to live up to that trust? I love my wife beyond what I ever thought possible, and am committed to continuing our journey together through the ups and downs. And 2) Am I willing to show that same level of trust when the day comes?

I usually like to end my posts each day with a nice little bow, but you know, today, I don’t have one. The grief we feel in mourning the loss of someone we love is deep. The joy we have in remembering his legacy is great. I think there’s room for both.

Check It Out: Start Somewhere

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I’ve now been blogging for two full years. If you’ve just found me, or found me recently, I’d love for you to click back through the archives at the first 10-15 posts.

Today, I’d like to share a post that’s been on my mind because of other situations and scenarios. The idea is simple: if you want to accomplish something, you have to start somewhere.

Here’s a glimpse:

The crazy thing about starting somewhere is your start is not your final product. I never start something with the mindset that it is going to be perfect from the beginning. But, if I want a program, event, relationship, or opportunity to reach full potential, it will not happen until I start somewhere.

Start Somewhere

If you’re facing a decision that you’re dreading, or just need a reminder of the importance of getting started, then click over and start somewhere today.

Support Counts

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Last week my Father-in-law, Andy, passed away. I plan to reflect a little more on his passing in a future post, but for today I want to take a different approach.

Over the course of the past year our family has walked an interesting path. Andy was diagnosed with Stage 4 Esophagus and Stomach cancer, and the outlook wasn’t positive. He chose to try chemo, so my wife spent a considerable amount of time helping take care of him over the past 12 months.

As I slow down this week to reflect on the past 12 months, one thought rises above the rest: Support Counts.

We have a wonderful church family who has supported us through the journey. They offered to help lighten my load while my wife was gone. They encouraged my wife. They have walked alongside us through it.

At the end of the day, their support meant the world to our family.

The leadership lesson here is two-fold:

  1. Find people who support you. This may sound simple, but I think we all know the difficulty in this. Finding people who support us without expecting something in return is a challenge. I was amazed at watching the support system my wife’s family has where they live. People who went out of their way to take care of us during the days leading up to the memorial.
  2. Be a support for someone else. Whether you serve in ministry or doing something else, find someone for whom you can be an unbelievable support. Go out of your way to make them feel loved and cared for. Cheer them on, listen to them, and most of all have compassion for the situations they are walking through.

So, what relationship can you build on today to help provide support? To whom do you need to reach out and offer some support? Be an encouragement today!

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