The Sight Comparison

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Think of your favorite vehicle. Not your dream vehicle, but out of the vehicles you’ve owned, what has been your favorite?

For me, it was a GMC Yukon. It had after market rims, but that wasn’t what I loved about it. You want to know what I loved? Heated seats and an automatic start. It was my first vehicle with both.

I loved driving that Yukon. My youngest was still an infant, and that car was a dream, except for the mileage.

Every vehicle since then has been compared to that Yukon, and probably from here on out (until I find a new favorite), every new-ish vehicle I get will get compared to it.

The same is true in leadership. We compare what we see to what we have seen.

The comparison of the present to the past is not negative, unless we let it become that way. The past, when remembered fondly, grows more legendary with every positive remembrance.

When my wife and I first got married we were broke college students who could barely afford to eat out, and only if that eating out was 49 cent tacos at Taco Bell. We were broke. But guess what, I look back on that time with great love. But I would never go back to it.

Our memory will naturally elevate the glory of things we remember fondly. The opposite is true, as well. Negative memories, when left unresolved, will grow more negative, as well.

Back to leadership. In our personal lives, we compare what we see to what we have seen. This could be positive or negative, depending on our approach.

As with most things, I advocate for awareness. When I realize I have a bias toward the present based on the past, then I am more likely to take what I see for what it is, not for what it has been previously.

Put another way, just because something went poorly in the past, doesn’t mean the ending is the same this time, although sometimes it is.

Just because something worked in the past, doesn’t mean it’s the best way of accomplishing something, although sometimes it is.

Just because someone betrayed you in the past, doesn’t mean a new someone will treat you the same way, although sometimes it does.

Allow the past to inform the present, not dictate it. Learn from your experiences, but don’t allow them to handcuff you.

And understand the people you lead are searching for the same balance along the way. Help them navigate the present and the past, and watch your leadership influence grow.

The Simplicity of 3QL

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The genesis of my blogging adventure began with a simple concept: sharing three questions I started teaching students leaders to ask and answer in an attempt to expand their leadership influence.

If you’re new to 3QL, I would encourage you to go check out the Foundation to see a short summary of the namesake for this endeavor. Go ahead, this post will wait for you.

The abbreviated version boils down to this: When you walk into a room (or encounter a situation in general), ask yourself…

  1. What needs to be done? (Awareness)
  2. What can I do? (Willingness)
  3. Who can I get to help? (Leadership)

Lately I’ve been reflecting on the simplicity of the questions. Asking and answering the questions opens doors we could never imagine, but the three questions are also counter intuitive.

One of the easiest lies to buy into is that leadership belongs to those at the front (of the line, of the organization, of the room). But we all have seen the impact someone can have on a room from a seat that’s not the front.

So leadership is not limited to the front. John Maxwell’s second law of leadership is “The Law of Influence: The True Measure of Leadership is Influence – Nothing More, Nothing Less.” When we grow our influence, we grow our leadership.

The same is true in Youth Ministry (and life in general). When we teach students (or anyone) to ask and answer the three questions, what we are doing is preparing them to make an impact where they are.

If you’re reading this today, let me issue a challenge. A student doesn’t have to pay dues before having influence. Granted, there are benefits to life experience, but the gamble we take in Youth Ministry is waiting too long to provide leadership opportunities.

Don’t wait. Develop leaders regardless of their age. You never know what may happen. Pour into your older students, but also be willing to pour into and invest in your younger students as well. When you build a balance, you’ll be amazed at the difference you’ll begin to notice.

And if you’re not sure where to start, get a group of students with hearts of a servant, teach them the three questions, and ask them how they answered the questions. You’ll be amazed at what begins to happen.

Leadership Exercising

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I’m not as young as I used to be. Isn’t that the motto of every adult?

Sunday night I played pickup basketball for the first time in a while (I don’t remember the last time I played, honestly). And guess what? I was tired and sore afterwards.

I live a decently active lifestyle. I exercise daily, can get out and run a mile or two at a comfortable pace without walk breaks, but I’m pretty convinced there’s nothing that can physically prep you for basketball sore.

In reality, any type of exercise targets a unique collection of muscles. Running requires a different combination than cycling. Cycling requires a different combination than rowing or HIIT. Seems obvious, right?

Leadership is the same way. If you want to grow in your leadership influence (and I’m hoping that’s why you’re here), then you have to exercise your influence muscles.

Put another way: if you want to become a better leader, you have to practice leading.

This concept was very difficult for me as a 19 year old. I wanted to serve in a ministry role, but the reality was my experience in actually leading was very limited. I didn’t see it at the time, but I do now.

The good news is while we are waiting to lead in the way we’ve always dreamed of leading, we get to practice leading in the way we need to lead in the moment. And while we practice leading now, we may just realize the way we’ve always dreamed of leading isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, or even how we’ve been called to lead.

Today, you’re faced with a decision. Are you going to take the necessary steps to lead? Very few people experience long term leadership success by accident–it’s a conscious decision. What situation facing you needs attention? What conversation needs to take place? Who needs an opportunity to step up? Who needs an opportunity to step down? What relationship needs strengthening today?

Are you willing to take the necessary steps today to exercise your leadership muscles in an effort to be a better leader tomorrow? I hope you are, and I’m glad we’re walking this adventure together!

No vs. Yes

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If you’re reading this near the original publishing date, I’ve got some good news: Lessons from the Farm is coming in April. Over the past two years, some of the best response I have seen has come from the Lessons from the Farm series. So, over the next few weeks, you might want to check out a few of the past lessons. Here are some of my favorites:

Don’t forget to subscribe or like 3QL on Facebook to make sure you don’t miss any posts!


Today, let’s shift gears a little. I ran across a quote earlier this week and thought I would share it:

The art of leadership is saying no, not yes. It is very easy to say yes.

Tony Blair

If you have been in leadership for very long at all, you have felt the tension of deciding between yes and no.

As a leader, saying no is not an automatic response, but many times the necessary response after weighing the possibilities. Our role as a leader is to look at the bigger picture and make decisions based on the information presented, as opposed to being able to zero in on a single situation and make a decision based on limited factors.

Parents know this struggle. Our child comes to us, wanting a toy/snack/prize/drink, but we know the looming results. Sometimes it can be exhausting to be the adult in the relationship, but the truth remains–someone has to be willing to say no.

I know for most people I don’t have to say the following, but for someone I do: Saying no all the time is bad leadership. Beware of being the person who never says yes. As someone who battles the balance, learn to say yes and pursue the adventure.

Today, you may be presented with an opportunity. It may be a great opportunity. It may be a mediocre opportunity. Do you have the wisdom to discern between the two, and the courage to give the right answer, not the easy one?

Mistakes Mean Growth

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This year I got a daily desk calendar with leadership quotes. It’s been interesting to see the different quotes over the past two months. Some of the pages remain on my desk, making an appearance when I want to remember a quick lesson or share some encouragement with a friend. Other pages are not so lucky.

Several quotes hone in on a particular theme, one which I have been spending extra time pondering lately, and they make regular appearances in my reviews. So, today, I thought I would share one.

Mistakes are a fact of life. It is the response to the error that counts.

Nikki Giovanni

The past year has been full of lessons for me, but mistakes are something to which I keep returning. I am realizing over time the necessity of mistakes. I have gone through seasons in my life where I have been afraid to act out of fear of a mistake, and that missed the point. I have gone through seasons where I make mistakes, learn from them, and grow as a result.

Mistakes, as quoted above, are a fact of life. Everyone makes mistakes. You make mistakes. I make mistakes. Our heroes make mistakes. The question then comes down to: are we willing to make the change necessary to correct the mistake the next time around?

I don’t view this as a license to live by the mantra “it’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission”, but even that mantra is necessary on occasion.

If I can teach my children, student leaders, or adults one thing lately, it is that mistakes will happen. Mistakes have to happen. The magnitude and impact of the mistakes can be mitigated, but mistakes are natural.

We should not live in fear of making mistakes. We should live in fear of not learning from the mistakes we will inevitably make. The subtle shift provides remarkable freedom.

What’s holding you back in life right now? What action are you not taking for fear of making a mistake? What if you lived by the mantra that making a mistake is not the worst thing that can happen to you, but making a mistake and not learning from it is the worst thing that can happen to you?


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